a-fragile-sort-of-anarchy:

a-fragile-sort-of-anarchy:

• I become a paramedic.
• If I encounter patients who cannot be saved, just as they’re about to die, I’ll look them dead (haha) in the eyes and slap ‘em real hard, right across the face.
• If ghosts are real, this will cause dozens of them to be personally upset with me. I mean, at the very least, they’ll want answers. I’ll be the most haunted person ever.
• This means I’ll have dozens of opportunities to record paranormal phenomenon.
• I’ll get my own show on the Travel Channel called GHOST SLAPPER, through which I’ll eventually get irrefutable scientific evidence that ghosts exist, making me the wealthiest and most respected paranormal researcher of all time.
• On my death bed, one of my interns will slap me real hard, to make sure I come back all pissed off and confused.
• I will be the first ghost to host a ghost hunting show (which is mega cool, come on, admit it).
• Eventually, the secret goes global, and everyone starts slapping their loved ones real hard as they die, because they believe it’s the best way for their spirit to remain here on Earth with them.
• After enough time, death slaps become commonplace. People have DNS (do not slap) instructions in their wills instead of or along with DNR (do not resuscitate) ones.
• HOWEVER, because everyone expects the death slaps, they no longer have the desired effect. Getting slapped is just a natural part of dying, now, but it accomplishes nothing.
• Like with all cultural junk, the origin eventually slips away, and the knowledge of WHY we slap the dying is esoteric at best.
• I, however, remember, and haunt hospitals for centuries, laughing because everybody’s gettin’ slapped in the face.
• Thank you for your time.

Listen, there are a ton of reasons to call me an idiot for making this post, but the fact that I am, in the words of one anon, “assuming that [I] have the power to create what already exists through a plan only the stupidest of nonbelievers could find basic internal logic or even entertainment in” super isn’t one of them. My sincerest apologies to all of the hardcore paranormal enthusiasts who are “sick of seeing [my] incoherent bullshit get notes while [their] scientific posts go unnoticed”. Guess you don’t get to join my Spectral Slap Squad. Your loss.

1-800-R-U-SLAPPIN (the dead)