One of my favorite thing I’ve learned about animals studies is that you should avoid using colorful leg bands when you’re banding birds because you can accidentally completely skew the data because female birds prefer males with colorful bands
Apparently if you put a red band on a male red wing blackbird his harem size can double
So like you can completely frick up the natural reproduction of a group of birds by giving a guy a bracelet so stylish that females CANNOT resist him
Me, putting a red bracelet on the leg of a male red wing blackbird: ON GOD we gonna get u some pussy bro
I remember reading a study where researchers realized that female birds of a certain species preferred males with a darker breast. So they created what they literally called a “Super-Sexy Male” by catching a male and coloring his chest with a marker. They then ran dna tests on the eggs in the area.
Previously when the researchers had run these tests, they found a certain amount of infidelity was common for these birds. Somewhere around 10% of eggs were fathered by males who were not the primary mates of females.
After the advent of the Super Sexy Male, however, stuff got crazy in bird world. Infidelity skyrocketed, with upwards of 25% of ALL EGGS in the area being fathered by this specific male. Furthermore, his mate’s eggs were 100% his.
This is just insane to me. Just imagine you’re living your bird life when suddenly somebody scribbles on Dave’s chest and the ladies can’t stop throwing themselves at them. It’s stupid that we theoretically can wreck this kind of havoc on an ecosystem.
idea: scene with two characters eagerly stripping each other clearly about to bone, but they keep getting interrupted by finding carefully concealed weapons in each other’s clothing, so they keep just unholstering, revealing and unstrapping increasingly ludicrous amounts of hidden guns and knives as the clothes come off, and it’s lowkey killing the mood a little
Alternatively: it’s not killing the mood at all but it’s totally making both of them giggle like they’re twelve and possibly get lowkey competitive in a subconscious way about who has the most to drop.
The more that I think of it the more I’m seeing the incredible intimacy of letting someone know where you keep your backup knife.
Like my god, the trust involved in letting someone undress you and learn your secrets instead of popping into the bathroom to change where they can’t see and hiding all your weapons under the sink
…Oh
second alternative: you go to hide all your weapons under the sink but there’s already a bunch of weapons hidden underneath the sink.
awkward
It’s not that there’s already a bunch of weapons hidden underneath the sink that makes it awkward so much as that there’s so many weapons hidden underneath the sink that they fall out of the cabinet with the unmistakable sound of a knife-alanche, and then the other person comes in like “I can explain!” and you’re just dead-ass standing there with your own armload of weapons like “I can also explain.”
Married version is shoving your hand in your partner’s clothes when you’re out of weapons because you KNOW where their spare is. Or wearing a weapon in a spot you can’t draw from yourself because its now spare storage for your spouse’s weapons.
Every single one of you is a genius
The main human couple in Steven Brust’s Vlad Taltos / Jhereg series met when she assassinated him. Then they hooked up and got to the weapons-revealing foreplay a either later that book or a couple books later.
I wish I could t pose and tense every muscle perfectly to crack every single joint simultaneously is the most gruesome cathartic sound like a shotgun made of bones
It would ricochet in onlookers teeth and cause a deep sense of when something is wrong with your liver. It’s like a curse but it causes discomfort past what horror movies can wretch from you
I haven’t perfected this yet, but I can get most of my spine, shoulders, elbows, wrists, hips, and knees in pretty rapid succession.
I replaced my old tablet with a new one before going to Europe, because I didn’t want to take a full laptop but I knew my elderly tablet wouldn’t handle the travel well. I’m using the new one for reading and such, but I didn’t want the old one just languishing in a drawer forever, so I bought a pair of wall mounts for it and installed it on one of my kitchen cupboards. It’s now my jukebox, podcast player, and recipe book whenever I’m in the kitchen. (I’m waiting on some moldable utility putty to arrive and I’ll fix the cord a little more elegantly.)
[ID: A kitchen cabinet over a counter, very 80s style with wood grain trim. Attached to the cabinet door are a pair of plastic “mounting” corners; sitting in the corners is a tablet with the screen lit up, showing a handful of icons including links to my recipe files and an audio player. The tablet’s charging cord is plugged into it and currently taped to the surface of the cabinet door inelegantly.]
Thinking about property insurance claims? I bet you are. So listen up:
I was a property insurance adjuster for Citizens Property Insurance from 2005-2007, dealing with the aftermath of the 2004 hurricane season, and I’m going to give you advice. I know you all know how to google and doing so will get you basic advice worth following (take pictures before/after, keep a claims journal to track all…
If you are in a position where you MIGHT need to file a claim with your properly insurance company, please read this!
This is something I wrote in 2017, but a lot of the advice is still solid.
tl;dr - don’t trust the adjuster they send, don’t trust the insurance company, don’t sign shit until you’ve had 24 hours to think it through, and yes good lighting for your “before” photos of your property is important!
Another insurance pro, and while I might say yes, don’t trust anyone right off the bat, including me, most people are just trying to do their jobs to the best of their capacity.
And after catastrophes, there is very little capacity, so mistakes are made very easily. Double check everything.
I’m a pilot, and thus like 85% of my friends are ALSO pilots and one of them is just this delightful older guy that named Bruce. Bruce is a man of simple pleasures, he likes mediocre bbq and to take his vintage J3 Piper Cub out like, every other week just to have the old girl not look so sad in the hangar. We also live about 30NM south of an air base and, according to him, there was a squad of fighter planes out and they wanted some guys to go up in their planes for intercept practice (with pay, obviously) so the guys could get real time practice looking for unfamiliar aircraft.
Bruce, a man who doesn’t need it but wants to say he flew with some fighter jets, takes them up on their offer and takes the old girl up for them. Now, if you’re unfamiliar with a J3, this thing is slow as shit. Like, horrendously slow. And there was a decent headwind that day blowing in off the coast and Bruce gets the brilliant idea that he’s going to do something they can’t. So Bruce turns that old cub into the wind and just flies slow enough that he’s genuinely flying BACKWARDS and the next thing he knows are these three jets screaming past him, wings wobbling something fierce as they’re all about to stall, and the pilots yelling over the radio like “How are you DOING THAT”
He likes to say he owned the air force something awful that day.
Cessna 172 Skyhawk
This is the inverse story of that one pair of pilots who blew everyone away with their airspeed over the public radio.
“owning those chair force boys” from the other end of the speed spectrum
I didn’t stretch and Yakko Warner personally beat me with a sack full of hammers
tbf the animaniacs got a relatively recent reboot
It was bad. I don’t think anyone watched much of it. I managed most of a single episode, and it was like finding a bottle of Crystal Pepsi forgotten in the back of the cupboard.
(for when you're less stabby but still productively salty)
Statements of (assumed) fact: - You enjoy mustard - You know a lot about mustard varieties - You enjoy BBQ - You have ties to Texas
We talked about this a bit but for the benefit of the readers, I recall saying that while I do enjoy barbecue I’m not any kind of expert about it. Although I did the other day have a conversation with someone from Texas who asked, “So did you find any good barbecue in Chicago yet?” and I said “Uhhhhhhhh not really?” and he was like I KNOW RIGHT
There’s ok barbecue here, but nothing especially great. I know that there’s great barbecue somewhere on the South Side but I’m never down there so I don’t get much chance to sample. And as he pointed out, Texas-style and Chicago-style are very different.
IDK, my love of being a snob about things is warring with my love of sampling true regional cuisine, so it’s hard to rank regional barbecue when I want to eat all of it. I do love a sweet sauce, I’d rather have sweet than hot, so I think my tastes generally run towards midwestern, KC-style. For the same reason I like Carolina, because it’s that mix of mustard and sweet. I’m big on burnt tips and smoked turkey and I do think you get a lot more of that outside of Texas, where it seems like it’s always about ribs and brisket.
But also, because I ate a pretty limited diet as a kid especially when dining out, one of the foods I love most in the world is a grilled hamburger, even though a lot of people don’t consider burgers to be barbecue (and of course purists don’t consider “grilling” to be barbecue). But if there’s a grill going I want to slap some burgers on it. Or some teriyaki chicken skewers. This is probably my California showing.
So I think probably like…KC-style, then Carolina, then Texas, then like, northern-midwest where I am now, and then whatever’s happening anywhere west of Texas. But also: hamburgers.
Come to think of it, I don’t know if the northeast has a barbecue tradition. Y'all got good cue out there? Don’t get me wrong, I love a lobster roll or some steamed crab or slow-cooked baked beans, but I don’t think I’ve ever seen a recipe for like, Maine Smoked Pork Belly.
Anyway I do love A Meat cooked over A Fire in A Sauce, which I feel is what counts. :D
Burgers: 100% grill food, 0% barbecue (the sauce is an add-on, not a fundamental part of the burgering); I also like a good burger or hot dog done up on the grill.
Most northeastern folks just have BBQ (grill) cookouts, not “proper” barbecue (hours on the smoker, sauce, etc), but this seems to be changing.
Sometimes you find folks who will throw whole clams on the grill or line them up around a campfire to cook, but this is sort of barbecue-adjacent in the same way a crawfish boil is; it’s a social food thing with fire.
One of my friends asked me the other day if I would suck one thousand dicks for a billion dollars, and I love questions like that because not only are they so demonstrative of the no-homo society we live in, but they also show a fundamental lack of understanding that some people have for the value of money. Like, do you realize just how much money one billion dollars is? Do you realize I could live my life in the lap of luxury buying literally everything I could ever want and still have a fortune to leave to my children?? For sucking some dicks?? We are talking 1 million dollars per dick sucked!! That’s just economical like come on man.
1 billion dollars and all you’d have to do is suck a dick every day for the next 2.7 years. That’s it. Plenty of people already do that. You could quit your job and literally suck dick for a living. You could suck two dicks a day and only have to suck dick for 1.4 years. You could suck 5 dicks a day for about 6 months. 5 DICKS A DAY FOR 6 MONTHS FOR A BILLION DOLLARS, OF COURSE I’LL FUCKIN DO THAT. THAT’S THE DREAM, THAT’S FUCKIN HEAVEN.
and here i was thinking about sucking dick for free
But consider:
They’re all Republican dicks.
However, at no point does it specify that you have to fellate them to completion, nor that you are enjoined from biting the dick off.
Editor & fan of AJ Aalto's "Marnie Baranuik Files"
Social Justice Tank. #Meathead Side of Tumblr. Leverage & Discworld fanfic, Powerlifting, Puns, Filk, Dramatic Readings, and Dad Jokes
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